Carpenter from Kharkiv: War cannot be grasped through TV
Kostiantyn Chepizhenko and his life partner had never heard of Košice before. However, they are satisfied in Slovakia.
Marharyta Rudenko worked as a psychologist before she went on maternity leave after the birth of her daughter. Kostiantyn Chepizhenko made furniture. They lived in the Kharkiv region.
They had to flee Ukraine because of the war.
The night before they left, they did not sleep at all. The house next door was hit by a rocket and a grandmother with a small child died inside. At five o'clock in the morning, they got in the car and drove to western Ukraine.
It was dangerous in and around Kharkiv, especially at the beginning of the war. But after months of fighting, the situation there is highly critical again. Russia launched a new offensive in the area in May. A rocket hit a supermarket in Kharkiv, Ukraine's second-largest city, killing 16 people. Dozens of civilians were injured.
Since then, attacks and casualties have been continuously reported from the area almost every day. Electricity is often out in the city, and water supplies have been repeatedly cut. The metro has been shut down, with all stations functioning as shelters.
The Russians are also believed to have used glide bombs, which have wings and can fly to their targets. They can make a crater up to 15 metres wide. The Russian army is also attacking civilian targets and hitting neighbourhoods.
Still terrible in Kharkiv right now
Marharyta says the missiles have been destroying the Kharkiv region every day for almost two and a half years, from schools, hospitals to shops.
"We know those places. We used to go to the Epicentre shopping mall that was hit. There is a cinema there that we used to visit as well," Kostya says.
He says that, even for greater peace of mind, they cannot afford to not follow the Telegram groups and news from home.
"You have to know what's going on, I couldn't not look at it," Kostya says.
Kharkiv as big as half of Slovakia
Kostya is from Kharkiv, which had a population of 1.7 million before the war.
"It's as big as half of Slovakia," Kostya laughs.
Marharyta comes from the smaller town of Zmiiv, sitting on the banks of the Seversky Donets River. The energy sector plays an important role in the local economy, with the large Zmiiv thermal power plant located near the town. This has also been hit by the Russians.
Zmiiv is also an attractive place for tourists. Surrounded by nature reserves and protected areas, the local nature attracts people for recreation, fishing, hiking and water sports.
"Even Zmiiv has been hit by rockets, people have died there, too. Rockets are still flying over people's heads," Marharyta describes the situation in her hometown.
In Kharkiv, Marharyta and Kostya both studied, worked and rested together, but they did not want to live in such a big city. They lived in a house near the city. It is still standing.
"Compared to the time before the war, about half the people in Kharkiv are still there, and many businesses and shops are closed," Kostya says.
Family and friends in Kharkiv
Their whole family and many friends stayed in Kharkiv. They are in daily contact with them, on the phone with them several days ago. Marharyta's mother is coming to visit Slovakia, so they worked out the logistics.
They talk about the war, but also about everyday things like how their cat gave birth to kittens and how the dog is doing.
"When we talk, we always hear sirens too, it's very hard on the psyche," Kostya says.
Marharyta's mother also lives in the town where they used to live. There is no official shelter there, the only place people can go to is the basement.
The whole family on a trip to the High Tatras. (Source: Courtesy of M. R.)Toys, blankets and 150 litres of diesel
"Our journey to Slovakia was easy," says Marharyta.
In March 2022, they departed the region together in a single car. The roads were already emptier than days before. For those who had left before them, the journey had taken four long days, standing in endless queues, driving in the cold and often hungry.
Marharyta packed toys for her young daughter, then two and a half years old, and some food and blankets. She says that she was afraid they were heading the wrong way, as they didn't see any queues anywhere.
"In one hand I held the baby and in the other I held an icon, a church picture," she says.
Kostya took 150 litres of diesel because he knew from the others that refueling along the way might be a problem.
"The whole car smelled of diesel, the boot was full of it, there was no room for anything else. I had the windows open, I could smell it anyway," Kostya recalls.
He also has two older children with his first wife; they left the Kharkiv region on February 24, 2022. His son took only one thing then, a computer.
The night the war started
"Everybody said there would be a war, I didn't believe it, I told others it wouldn't happen," Kostya says.
On February 21, he went to buy a car.
He found out from his wife when she woke him up that war had started.
Marharyta says that as late as February 23 she was still living a contented life, going to the post office with her young daughter, calling that day with her grandmother, who also, like many others, thought that the war was about to start. Marharyta, like her husband, did not believe it until the last moment.
"As a mother of a small child, I don't sleep peacefully. It was the same on February 24, suddenly I heard a helicopter flying, then something fell. I went down to the ground floor of our house. My mother was already there, and she told me: The war has started," Marharyta recalls that terrible night. Immediately she felt enormous stress and fear.
Since that night, Kostya has thought of nothing else but how to make a shelter for his family to keep them safe. He also left every morning in his car to help people in need. Gradually, no one was interested in the furniture and the services of the carpenter any more.
Never heard of Košice before
"I learned that Košice existed in March 2022," says Marharyta.
Kostya adds that it is similar to Poltava, a Ukrainian city.
They decided to come to Košice because Kostya had a friend who had been there for a month and had a job. He had also never heard of Slovakia before the war. He never thought he would leave Ukraine. But staying at home would not have been the right decision, they both say today. They do not regret leaving, though they are homesick.
"For a very long time, I wanted to return home. I've lived next to my mum all my life. It's a shock that she didn't come with me. But today I just want to go home to visit. It's not safe there. I really want to smell the scent of home, though," says Marharyta.
Kostya recalls how his young daughter was initially frightened by the sounds of the lift in Slovakia, but adds that leaving was better than staying.
Kostya's sister is worse off; although she also has a young child, she has remained in Ukraine. Her husband is unable to travel. Kostya has three children, so he was allowed to leave the country.
"She would like to go, for the safety of her child, but she doesn't want to leave without her husband," he says.
Marharyta Rudenko and Kostiantyn Chepizhenko lived in the Kharkiv region. They left due to the war. (Source: Elizaveta Blahodarova)Return in two months, they thought
Marharyta and Kostya did not think at all that they would go away for so long. They did not even take all their documents. They assumed it would be for a month or two.
But they like their life in Košice. Their little daughter started going to kindergarten. She is learning Slovak.
"She speaks Ukrainian in kindergarten and Slovak at home, she is very communicative. She can talk to anyone on the street," laughs Marharyta.
She also attends an online Ukrainian kindergarten, but Marharyta likes the Slovak one better. She says that the children have been visited by policemen and firemen. The children then see how they work and look, destined to trust them in the future, she adds. For Marharyta, that is important. She says that her daughter was afraid of the noise because she saw how her mother reacted. Children sense what their mother is experiencing and they feel accordingly.
Sometimes when a police car drives by, the little girl becomes a little nervous, says the mother.
Kostya's eldest son attends secondary school and speaks Slovak well. His classmates are all Slovaks. The middle daughter went to Germany with her mother.
Establishing his own business
After arriving in Košice, Kostya started working in a factory. He went there at six o'clock, then had Slovak lessons at eight o'clock.
"You still want to sleep from getting up early, but you also want to attend class," he smiles.
Later he started working in a furniture company. He made furniture at home for 16 years, every day of the week. Before the war, he was even going to build a new workshop.
"Everybody around me told me to set up a trade. In the end, I did that. That's the life I know. I lived it in Ukraine too," he says. He earned the money for a flat in Ukraine in two years, by working seven days a week.
In Slovakia, he was afraid at first that he would not get contracts, but believed it would get better and better with time. The first customers were mainly Ukrainians who have lived in Slovakia since 2014, when Russia annexed Crimea. Today he has Slovak customers as well. He promotes his work on social networks. He also relies on good personal references.
Kostya was advised how to set up a business in the Facebook group Ukrainians in Košice.
"I wrote what I wanted to do, and a few hours later they told me what to do and how to do it. It was not complicated. There are supposedly some possibilities of borrowing money to buy a machine or to get some help. I will definitely figure it out," he says, adding that he is not afraid at all that he will not find his way around.
The war took her career
Marharyta is seeking a job in Slovakia, also to improve her Slovak. She has already taken some courses. She understands the language, but is not yet fluent.
In Ukraine, before going on maternity leave, she worked as a psychologist with internally displaced people who left their homes in the eastern parts of the country after 2014. She worked with traumatised children and adults.
She is angry that the war took away her profession, and therefore a part of her life that was important to her.
Kostya and Marharyta and their family. (Source: Courtesy of M. R.)What is war like?
"When you watch it on TV, you will never understand it. I also watched the 2014 war news from Luhansk and Donetsk Oblasts, but I didn't feel it in relation to myself. It was only when the war came directly to Kharkiv that I understood it, I began to feel scared," Kostya says.
According to him, no television can show what war is really like.
"When you feel the first explosion or a bomb falls on a bridge, every cell of your body feels it, your whole body trembles, it's terrible, for children, women and men. I don't wish anyone to feel how terrible war is," Marharyta describes.
She adds that she used to wake up at night. When she cannot sleep, she watches the news. She cannot not watch it.
They both say that they will never forget the war and what they experienced. Kostya adds that it was the same for his grandfather, who never forgot the Second World War and the Germans.
Marharyta says that she is thinking about how she will talk about the war to her daughter.
Experience with Slovaks
"If a person is good and behaves well, they will be against killing, war and pain," thinks Marharyta. She herself meets those who perceive war as she does.
In her opinion, there is no justification for Russian aggression. The facts are clear.
Kostya adds that pro-Russian people also live in Ukraine. Some are explicitly awaiting the arrival of the Russian army, for nostalgia's sake, and even hand over nursery buildings or power stations without a fight.
"It's shocking. It's mainly older people, I don't believe that young people would do that," he thinks. "I have nothing against Russia, but if you want Russia, go to Russia," he adds.
He wants Ukraine to be part of the European Union.
They have had both good and bad experiences in Slovakia; they think people are good and bad everywhere. They were surprised at how everyone greets each other in the house or in the shop, even if they don't know each other personally.
Marharyta also sees that though people may think something unpleasant about Ukrainians, they do not say it out loud.
Ukraine must not give up its territory
The idea of Ukraine giving up part of its territories for peace is completely unacceptable to both of them.
"What did so many people die for then? I was born in an independent Ukraine, it has to stay that way," Marharyta says firmly.
Both have friends their own age who have not returned from the war. They left behind widows and children.
In Slovakia, some people tell them that Czechoslovakia was also divided (the peaceful split of Czechoslovakia was a political decision made by Czech and Slovak politicians in 1992, Ed.) and that is the end of it.
Kostya, however, says that if Ukraine leaves territories to Russia, it will go on like that.
"They won't stop in Ukraine, they will go to other countries," he thinks.
He adds that if people in Kharkiv or Donetsk wanted to go to Russia, Kyiv would already know that. Only 15 percent of the population there supports Russia, he says.
"If there was 50 percent of them, they would go to Zelensky. If they are not going to him, then they don't want to go to Russia. If they are not going to Kyiv, they trust what he's doing," Kostya says.
© Sme
This text was created with the support of UNESCO under the Support for Ukrainian Refugees through Media program, funded by the Japanese government.
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