RTE star Anna Geary opens up about her brother's death and 'pockets of joy' she clings to
Anna was left devastated after the sudden death of her brother Thomas, a year after the passing of her father Michael.
TV star Anna Geary has opened up about her brother’s sudden death – saying grief almost wore her down.
Anna and her family were left devastated after her only brother Thomas after a short illness in 2023. In March 2022, she was plunged into grief after her beloved father Michael passed away – a year before she gave birth to her first son, Ronan in August 2023.
Opening up about her grief, the former All Ireland camogie captain said grief has changed and shaped who she is today.
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She told the RTE Guide: “I now have a 13-month-old baby, and I must keep going," she says now, the loss still raw.
"I must get up every day and get on with life. In those early days, when I was almost worn down by grief, that gave me a purpose. But we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. It's also about giving yourself permission to have a day where you feel like you're falling apart.
“Grief is not linear. It's not like it dies down after a year or whatever. Every single day you must find ways to cope and some days you will be able to manage it better. Grief will impact on how I live my life going forward. In some ways it probably has shaped and changed how I am as a person and not necessarily for the worse."
She said grief, for her, was like an onion as she opens up about the difficult moments when she begins to think about her father and how he would make up great stories at bedtime to read to her son, Ronan.
The Love In The Country host said: “My dad was so great at that, making up a different story every night. I started welling up watching that TV show because Ronan will never get to experience that with his grandad. Grief for me is like the layers of an onion - you think that you've reached a place where you can cope with it and then something else happens.
“The sad thing is that life moves on and you must find a way to live again in a different way. But I will always have to live with grief and manage it better. And sometimes I can't manage, and it engulfs me. But you just must find ways to navigate through it."
The Ireland’s Fittest Family coach said she has leaned into her Catholic faith a bit more in recent times to help her cope with losses.
"I don't go to Mass every Sunday, but I do pray and have those moments of trying to make peace with what has happened or find solace by leaning into my faith.
“Now your faith can also be challenged when you lose people in the prime of their life, as happened with Thomas, and you're trying to make sense of all of that. But yes, I've leaned into my faith as it's all about trying to find ways of coping. Years of playing sport also helped, moving my body is my mindfulness, and so if I'm ever feeling overwhelmed, going for a run, or a walk."
But the Cork star credits her mam Ellen as her “rock and inspiration”. "The resilience I have I got from my Mam. She is a very independent, very determined woman and has shown me that you must embrace the life you're given and that is warrior-like. Words like 'courageous' and 'brave are bandied about a lot these days but to me she is the essence of courage, learning to live again after losing those closest to her.
“And I love the time mam spends with Ronan. The funny thing is that he can say 'dada' and 'nana' but he can't say 'mama properly yet. And Mam of course is delighted. We've always been very close and have a very open relationship. Yet I think I'm more like my dad who had a big personality: very energetic, a bit fiery, very competitive, wearing our heart on our sleeves and a tad dramatic too!"
She said that while she isn’t against counselling, she hasn’t gone down that road yet. "I'm not against it and maybe it's something I will use down the line but when I went back to qualify as a sports coach, I also did a lot of work on myself and that helped me.
"Grief is like when you throw a stone into a pond and all these ripples spread outwards: the ripples are all the consequences of loss whether it's not being read bed-time stories by your grandad or whatever.
“I'm lucky that my dad walked me down the aisle but it's so sad that he wasn't there to see Ronan and hold him. I'm glad that Thomas was there to hold Ronan, he got that moment and it's those small pockets of joy I cling onto when I'm having a tough day.
“I also get a lot of positive energy from the job that I do, whether it's Love in the County or the RTE podcast which comes back in November. In fact, six weeks after Ronan was born, I was back doing Supercharged on radio. Some say that was madness, but it really helped me."
Opening up about motherhood, she said: "It's the greatest joy but also the hardest challenge I've ever done. What we see online about motherhood and parenting can be curated to look easy but while it's brilliant it is also bloody tough. Some days you're so discombobulated from the sleep deprivation that you wonder, what did I do with my life before all this? But I wouldn't want it any other way.
“Mom guilt is there for me and the separation from Ronan can be overwhelming. I don't know if that is a biological thing or what but then there's so much guilt in life now: guilt about being too tired to play with the kids in the evening after you get home from work or guilt about eating the wrong stuff or guilt about not exercising enough. And while I'm Ronan's mom, that's not all I am."
And she said as Ronan gets older, she will continue to talk to him about her dad and her brother “to keep their memories alive”. She said: "As Ronan gets older, and if he ever has a brother or sister, I believe it's very important to talk about Dad and Thomas, to keep their memories alive.
“One of the hardest things is to allow yourself to experience joy or feel good amid all the sadness, whether it's a belly laugh with a friend or the photo shoot earlier today. But my priorities have shifted. My perspective on health has changed, just as I hope my empathy has increased. I care less about the small stuff, but I still want to feel good and do a good job,” she added.
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